Beginning our Fourth Year Together

Note: This is my opening year talk with parents on our "Back to School Night" on August 28, 2019

“Scholars, leaders, disciples of Jesus Christ. “

This is what we want our students to become--straight from our mission statement.   It is deliberately aspirational, something we all aim for. We’ll all fall short of it—we as teachers, you as parents, our students. Failure is part of growing up—so don’t get too upset if from time to time your kid does poorly on an assignment, or forgets something, or if a coach benches him for a time. It’s part of their maturation.  Our mission gives us a clear direction, and a clear measuring stick for our success. 

Parents are the primary educators—the role of the school is to support you in that role, "to extend the franchise of families,” I once heard it described. One of the natural sources of friction between teenagers and parents is they are trying to find their own voice, and to do so, they must step outside of the large shadow you cast, to distinguish your voice from theirs. But when they step outside of that shadow, they step into ours—and if the school and family are together, your values, your “voice” is being echoed by us, in the culture we create, in the values we are trying to instill them. There are a lot of other voices, clamoring for their attention! So it’s critical that our relationship is one of partnership.  Neither of us work “for” the other. We work “with” each other. 

In fact, in Catholic educational philosophy, the most important relationship in a school is NOT the teacher and student, but the teacher and parent. Our unity of purpose is a precondition for our right relationships with the kids. 

I think there are two take-aways from that: 

Let’s avoid 3rd person pronouns when speaking about each other. Not “they” or “them” but "us!" I say that not only to you as parents, but to our teachers. Let’s get to know each other by our first names, if possible.  Tonight is a good first step toward that as we meet each other. We—all of us!—are the Cardinals! 

Second, when our children come home and tell us horror stories about this or that teacher, or if they tell US horror stories about you, let’s give each other the benefit of the doubt. My former principal used to say, “We agree to believe only half of what teenagers tell us about you as parents, if you agree to only believe half of what they tell you about us.” The point is, there’s a difference between the lens through which a teen sees the world, and an adult. We who have a wider-angle lens are better able to contextualize. So if something comes up,  let’s agree to talk with each other, rather than harbor grudges or misperceptions. 

As we begin the year together, I have three additional requests of you:

1) Please act as our ambassadors—parents choose schools for their children by word of mouth. Speak well of us to your co—workers, your friends, your extended family. We want good kids here. We THINK that we’re going to have a wait list next year—we graduate a relatively small class of 58 seniors and expect a freshman class of 85 or so, which puts us at capacity. So urge them to apply early, in the October-November time frame. 

2) I ask that if you’re able, to be generous to the school. One of the things I am most proud of about our first three years—is that NO FAMILY has been turned away because of inability to afford our full tuition. Every family pays something, but because of your generosity to the Annual Fund, because of the support of the Guardian Angel fund, we’ve been able to supplement their tuition to bridge the difference. That depends on your continued generosity—please support Jenny Kopf, our Advancement and Admissions Director, and our Annual Fund initiatives this year. 

3) And for my last request, let me share a quick story:  The year before the school opened, I spent a lot of time in the three elementary schools, drumming up support for this new thing called St. Michael. I distinctly remember a conversation I had with a group of wonderful 8th grade girls from St. Patrick, and I asked them if they were excited to be coming to here as part of the inaugural freshman class. Of course they were, but they also said, endearingly, that they would miss St. Patrick. 

Those 8th graders are now seniors at St. Michael—they and their classmates will be the first 4-year graduates of the school on May 14, 2020-- the class of 2020! One of them, Hannah Gay, came to the office a few days before school started, and I mentioned to her that it seemed like just yesterday I was talking to her and her friends at St. Patrick—and here they are, seniors. She choked up with emotion and tears, and I teased her a little bit about it—but truth be told, I got choked up too. These last three years have been amazing. 

But they go by fast! Blink,  and your freshman will be a senior! A number of senior moms said to me at Cardinal Day a few weeks ago --that they remembered me saying that in this meeting, three years ago, and they said they were "feeling it."  These are special years. So this is my last request: Get involved. Join things, like our wonderful PTO or Booster Club. Help out with advancement initiatives. Assist as team parents for ball clubs. No parents have ever said, EVER!--as they prepare to say goodbye to their kids for college, "I wish I would have spent LESS time with my child, or LESS time involved in the life of his or her school!"

We’ll be a stronger school with your involvement, you’ll be a stronger family, and you won’t have any regrets at the end of this very short ride. 

Enjoy the evening! You're dismissed to go meet your child's teachers--don't linger!

Welcome to Year IV!

This is my talk to students at the beginning of the 2019-20 school year.

Good morning! I have 3 thoughts I want to share with you to begin the year.

First, upperclassmen may remember me saying this last year, but I think it bears repeating. I know it sounds a little odd when a principal tells you this: I hope you fail, and fail often this year.

Let me explain--I am not a masochist that takes pleasure in your pain! Do you remember the first time you've ever went roller skating? It's not hard to pick out the first-timers: they're the ones clinging to the rails all the way around the rink. If you remember, it's a little embarrassing, especially since kids much younger than you are blowing by you, weaving through traffic, backwards and forward. At some point, if you're going to have any fun at all, you have to push yourself off the rails and risk a wipe-out. The first time I did it,  I got about 20 feet before making an ugly, spectacular fall, feet first, landing hard on my backside. So what do you do? You go back to the rails, regain your balance for a bit, and push off again. And maybe you get a few feet farther this time, before crashing again. And so on and so on.

High school, too, is a time to push off the rails--and in so doing, to risk failure. Maybe you volunteer an answer in class when no one seems willing to do so. Maybe you try out for a team, even at the risk of getting cut. Maybe you enroll in an honors or A.P. class for the first time. Maybe you ask a girl out, even if she might say (kindly, I hope girls!) no thank you.  The willingness to risk failing is a sign of courage and health, and it's the only way we grow and make life interesting.

Do that here. I am proud of this school, because I see students doing that every day, and I see a student body that doesn't jeer at them, but respects them. I think of people like Connor Robitaille who joins the cross country team, or Lachlan McAloon who runs for student government, or Maeve Andrews who joins the bowling team, or Marc Nyantaski who stands before you and raps about being a Christian,  or those of you who performed in the talent show last year, or all those of you who have joined a sport that you've never played before.

Let's keep being that kind of school. I want to encourage you to try new things, join new clubs, stretch yourself-- and when you fail, dust yourself off, go back to the rails to regain your balance, and push off again. And I want you to continue to be a student body that respects your classmates when they take these risks, encourages them and supports them. Have the courage, St. Michael students, to fail often!

Second, don't be the first one going south down Higbee Road every day after school. If you're rushing out of here each day at dismissal, I predict high school is going to be dreadfully boring. Instead, get involved in things. School is school, and we'll make it as interesting as we can, but sometimes it's just hard work. But the joy of high school is in the friendships, and those friendships are formed when you are team-mates with someone, or you're involved in a club with someone, or you sing or play in the band with someone.

Join up. In a couple of weeks, we're going to have "Club Rush," where students put out tables and invite you to become active in their clubs. Sign up for 3-4 things, try them out, see what suits you. Start a new club--we're still new enough that you can do that, if you can also find a faculty sponsor. And come to ball games to cheer on your team! We play our first home football game on Thursday, and I hope to see all 323 of you at the game.

Third, don't be boring. So no one wants to be boring, right? Yet so many people are! And all these boring people really have one thing in common--they're all about themselves. They talk about themselves. They're awful listeners, because ultimately they don't care about what YOU are saying, and will try and twist the conversation right back to themselves. They don't do anything unless it benefits them. No one really wants to be around these kinds of people.

If you want to be UN-boring, then live for others. Serve others. Listen to others. Note your classmates who are lonely, or sitting by themselves, or having a tough day and reach out to them. Invite them to sit with you. Invite them out with your friends at night. These are the people with many friends. These are the people that if there's a big room, with many people standing around, are the ones surrounded, having conversations, laughing.

You see, God made us this way. We are happiest not when we GET something, but when we give. We feel better about ourselves when we do, and others feel better about us. And if you REALLY want to live an exciting life, give yourself to God. Say to him, as Jesus did, "your will be done." That's where the adventure starts!

Since boring people think about themselves constantly, they have their lives all mapped out. They can tell you who their friends will likely be, the school they'll attend, the kind of person they'll marry one day, the job they want. As if THEY were in charge of each step of their journey.  But when we live for others, when we say to God "your will be done," life is full of surprises, which brings us enthusiasm and excitement to our lives.

Want a dull life? Live for yourself. Want an exciting, unboring life? Live for others and live for God.

In closing, when Archbishop Rodi named our school "St. Michael," he said one of the reasons was to honor the first bishop of Mobile, Michael Portier. When Michael Portier was ordained a priest, as he lay prostrate on the floor at St. Mary's seminary in Baltimore in 1818 as part of his ordination ceremony for the priesthood, he prayed for "good health and the zeal, always and everywhere, to spread the sacred fire." As you begin this new year at St. Michael, I pray that all of us--you, our teachers, our staff, myself--catch this same fire that excites us, that ignites us, to serve God in all that we do.

May God bless you this year!

Devastating News for this Teacher

Note: My sister Caroline teaches at a Catholic middle school and is also a mother of John Paul, a middle schooler.  These are her remarks, as seen through these two perspectives. I am posting with her permission.

It’s that time of the year when some of my students tell me they’re not returning to our Catholic school. I always give them a hug and tell them I’ll miss them. But interiorly, I’m devastated. As someone who has spent a lifetime in a Catholic school classroom - either sitting in a desk or standing behind a podium - it makes me deeply, deeply sad. And quite frankly - mystified. I know that no school of any kind is perfect: principals and teachers have good days and bad … some teachers are excellent and some ho-hum … I homeschooled for 15 years and I can assure you that was not perfect either!!! But I cannot think of what benefit could outweigh the myriad blessings that come from a Catholic education. I’ve personally witnessed this is in my own life, in the lives of my 5 children, and in the lives of my students. I honestly don’t think parents have a true understanding of what their kids will be missing.

There are plenty of scholarly articles out there with stats on and figures on the excellence of Catholic education (superior test scores, graduates that are civically involved, etc). I encourage everyone to do their research and read them. But here I would simply like to focus on the effects in my own family. I think about my own John Paul, about to start 8th grade. His education (and especially his faith life) would be so lacking without the experiences he has gained in our Catholic school. Here’s just a small portion of what he would have missed:

• Opportunities to assist at Mass. Weekly school Masses bring innumerable opportunities for kids to lector, bring up the gifts, usher, and especially to serve at the altar. John Paul and his peers are often asked to serve at funerals during the week, which is a wonderful way to live out the Works of Mercy to “Bury the dead” and “Pray for the living and the dead.” It also reminds them of their own mortality – never a bad thing for a teenager!

• Immersion in a life of prayer. The Catholic school day revolves around prayer and the sacraments. John Paul would have missed out on quarterly confessions, weekly Adoration, weekly Mass, class rosaries, Stations of the Cross, May Crownings, and more. Since prayers are frequently recited, they are learned effortlessly. In our school, for example, we pray the same morning prayer for a month, so by the end of the month the entire school (even the littlest ones) can recite beautiful prayers like St. Ignatius’ Prayer for Generosity, the Suscipe, the Anima Christi, St. Francis’ Prayer for Peace, St. Patrick’s Breastplate, the Act of Faith, The Morning Offering, and on and on. We didn’t come close to memorizing that many prayers as homeschoolers. These prayers will stay with my kids their whole lives.

• Participation in Middle School Prayer Groups. John Paul has been part of the Young Men of St. Joseph that meets before school for breakfast and to read and discuss the upcoming Sunday Gospel. (The girls have their own equivalent group.) He also joined Lifesavers, a middle school peer-led pro-life group that meets at 6:30 am at Planned Parenthood on Fridays during the Forty Days for Life campaign. They pray the Rosary and listen to a speaker on some important life issue. These unique experiences have helped his faith mature.

• Reliance on God in Times of Crisis. In a Catholic school, we come together in times of crisis, and this is engrained in students their entire lives, whether they fall away or remain faithful. Whenever there is a tragedy like the attack on 9-11 or a sudden death, we stop everything and go to Mass or pray the Rosary as a school. What a powerful life lesson! Recently, we had a tragic death of a young college student who had gone to our grade school. Who showed up front and center at the funeral and Rosary but her Catholic grade school friends, many of whom had not kept in touch over the years. There was something about their Catholic school formation that drew them there.

• Friendship with Clergy. With so many bad examples currently blasted all over the media, I am grateful that John Paul is on a first-name basis with holy, excellent priests and religious. We are blessed to have 5 seminarians from our parish - graduates of our grade school. On breaks they always come by to hang out: they eat lunch with us, play basketball games at PE, speak during religion classes, assist at school Masses. Seminary life seems normal – and actually pretty cool - to our middle schoolers as a result. John Paul would have missed out on all this if not enrolled in our school.

• Instruction in our Catholic Faith. Of course religion classes are crucial. John Paul was in a good CCD program when younger, but there is absolutely no comparison to what he’s learned in the Catholic school classroom. We are fooling ourselves if we think CCD is a worthy substitute – and I say that as a former CCD teacher myself! Just consider that the best CCD classes out there may meet 36 times, for roughly 36 hours of instruction per year (That’s 4 times a month for 9 months). Compare that to 180 hours of direct religious instruction for the Catholic school kid, not counting all the other instruction received throughout the school day mentioned above. It’s no wonder that only 5% of kids who don’t go to Catholic school will attend Sunday Mass as adults. They have no idea of what they’re missing because they haven’t been sufficiently taught! 

My husband urges parents to substitute any other subject for religion, and ask if they’d be satisfied with the CCD model of instruction: “I agree that Algebra I is important, but I think one hour a week is sufficient, with a volunteer teacher who may or may not be trained in the subject. We’ll talk about it some at home too.” Of course that would be absurd, and to think it’s not also absurd for religious instruction means that we don’t yet fully grasp the depths and riches of our Catholic faith.

But what about when I homeschooled John Paul? It was a great joy to instruct him in the faith everyday – we used to sit on my bed and read and discuss chapters in his religion text, plus read lots of saint stories and do fun projects designed to help us live out the liturgical year. I loved every second – and he loved it too. But there comes a time, right around middle school, where my boys especially needed to hear from other role models, besides my husband or me. I could literally feel them tuning Mom out. But suddenly, their amazing religion teacher says the very same thing and it takes on a whole new life. I’ve focused primarily on grade school here, but this crossroads in faith instruction was magnified a hundred-fold once my kids reached Catholic high school. The Theology teachers and our campus ministers’ influence on my 3 older kids’ faith has been transformative; the retreats they sponsored, life-changing. When my oldest son delivered his valedictory address he thanked exactly three people: one was his physics teacher, a great Catholic man whose guidance set my son on his current career path, and the other two were our campus minister and priest chaplain. What a void would exist in his life if he hadn’t benefitted from their presence and guidance day in and day out, over four years, not just once a week for an hour or two at night for youth group.

Some of my dear friends opting for private or public schools have told me,“Well I went there and I turned out all right!” Seriously, y’all, that was in a different era. It is simply not the same. My Mom tells of her excellent public school education in the 1950s in Auburn, AL. But all her teachers and principals shared a basic belief in God and similar world-view. The virtues were taught and insisted upon. Today what is true is taught as bigotry; the curricula are antagonistic toward any type of faith - or even the very idea of objective truth. My pastor preached one Sunday that it’s like we’ve all fallen through Alice in Wonderland’s rabbit hole, and the world is upside down. (And for the record, my Mom and Dad sent us all to Catholic schools because they knew this to be true 30 years ago – and it’s even more true today!)

It is incredibly difficult to emerge from that nihilistic world-view unscathed, and if this were a more scholarly treatise, I would argue that any education resulting from that faulty understanding of man and creation is seriously, deeply flawed. Now more than ever we need our kids in Catholic schools -- not to shield them from the world but to arm them with the Truth.

Addendum on Costs: I know it’s expensive – we totally get it. We’re from generations of teachers and we’re teachers ourselves, so we completely understand the financial burdens. Our children do not attend Catholic schools for free, so we drive ancient cars, have never redone our lime green bathroom, and have never been on a cruise. Between us, my husband and I work four jobs to make it all happen – summers help. It’s all worth it. Sometimes I think folks may not try hard enough to get their kids there. They see the tuition posted on the website and rule it out. Have we seriously examined our budgets? Have we asked for scholarship help? Have we tried to volunteer our services to defray costs? I think of an old dear friend who was determined to give her eight children a Catholic education … she humbly asked, and asked again, and prayed, and pleaded – and ended up going to her bishop, who found a way to make it work. Don’t just call or email; go ask in person. To struggling families, I say please exhaust every option before saying it’s impossible.