Note: This is my opening year talk with parents on our "Back to School Night" on August 28, 2019
“Scholars, leaders, disciples of Jesus Christ. “
This is what we want our students to become--straight from our mission statement. It is deliberately aspirational, something we all aim for. We’ll all fall short of it—we as teachers, you as parents, our students. Failure is part of growing up—so don’t get too upset if from time to time your kid does poorly on an assignment, or forgets something, or if a coach benches him for a time. It’s part of their maturation. Our mission gives us a clear direction, and a clear measuring stick for our success.
Parents are the primary educators—the role of the school is to support you in that role, "to extend the franchise of families,” I once heard it described. One of the natural sources of friction between teenagers and parents is they are trying to find their own voice, and to do so, they must step outside of the large shadow you cast, to distinguish your voice from theirs. But when they step outside of that shadow, they step into ours—and if the school and family are together, your values, your “voice” is being echoed by us, in the culture we create, in the values we are trying to instill them. There are a lot of other voices, clamoring for their attention! So it’s critical that our relationship is one of partnership. Neither of us work “for” the other. We work “with” each other.
In fact, in Catholic educational philosophy, the most important relationship in a school is NOT the teacher and student, but the teacher and parent. Our unity of purpose is a precondition for our right relationships with the kids.
I think there are two take-aways from that:
Let’s avoid 3rd person pronouns when speaking about each other. Not “they” or “them” but "us!" I say that not only to you as parents, but to our teachers. Let’s get to know each other by our first names, if possible. Tonight is a good first step toward that as we meet each other. We—all of us!—are the Cardinals!
Second, when our children come home and tell us horror stories about this or that teacher, or if they tell US horror stories about you, let’s give each other the benefit of the doubt. My former principal used to say, “We agree to believe only half of what teenagers tell us about you as parents, if you agree to only believe half of what they tell you about us.” The point is, there’s a difference between the lens through which a teen sees the world, and an adult. We who have a wider-angle lens are better able to contextualize. So if something comes up, let’s agree to talk with each other, rather than harbor grudges or misperceptions.
As we begin the year together, I have three additional requests of you:
1) Please act as our ambassadors—parents choose schools for their children by word of mouth. Speak well of us to your co—workers, your friends, your extended family. We want good kids here. We THINK that we’re going to have a wait list next year—we graduate a relatively small class of 58 seniors and expect a freshman class of 85 or so, which puts us at capacity. So urge them to apply early, in the October-November time frame.
2) I ask that if you’re able, to be generous to the school. One of the things I am most proud of about our first three years—is that NO FAMILY has been turned away because of inability to afford our full tuition. Every family pays something, but because of your generosity to the Annual Fund, because of the support of the Guardian Angel fund, we’ve been able to supplement their tuition to bridge the difference. That depends on your continued generosity—please support Jenny Kopf, our Advancement and Admissions Director, and our Annual Fund initiatives this year.
3) And for my last request, let me share a quick story: The year before the school opened, I spent a lot of time in the three elementary schools, drumming up support for this new thing called St. Michael. I distinctly remember a conversation I had with a group of wonderful 8th grade girls from St. Patrick, and I asked them if they were excited to be coming to here as part of the inaugural freshman class. Of course they were, but they also said, endearingly, that they would miss St. Patrick.
Those 8th graders are now seniors at St. Michael—they and their classmates will be the first 4-year graduates of the school on May 14, 2020-- the class of 2020! One of them, Hannah Gay, came to the office a few days before school started, and I mentioned to her that it seemed like just yesterday I was talking to her and her friends at St. Patrick—and here they are, seniors. She choked up with emotion and tears, and I teased her a little bit about it—but truth be told, I got choked up too. These last three years have been amazing.
But they go by fast! Blink, and your freshman will be a senior! A number of senior moms said to me at Cardinal Day a few weeks ago --that they remembered me saying that in this meeting, three years ago, and they said they were "feeling it." These are special years. So this is my last request: Get involved. Join things, like our wonderful PTO or Booster Club. Help out with advancement initiatives. Assist as team parents for ball clubs. No parents have ever said, EVER!--as they prepare to say goodbye to their kids for college, "I wish I would have spent LESS time with my child, or LESS time involved in the life of his or her school!"
We’ll be a stronger school with your involvement, you’ll be a stronger family, and you won’t have any regrets at the end of this very short ride.
Enjoy the evening! You're dismissed to go meet your child's teachers--don't linger!
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