The Power to Heal or Destroy

This is my address to students at assembly in our second week of school.

Good morning! 

You each have great power. You each have the power to heal, or destroy.

“Sticks and Stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me.” I think we’re told that as kids to help us brush off unkind comments, but the fact is, that statement is an absolute lie.  Physical wounds heal quickly. But when someone tears us down with gossip, or unkind comments, it hurts for a long, long time. 

Three stories from my past:

I’m a Notre Dame guy—graduated there twice, had three children go there, both of my in-law children have degrees there, and I have two nephews and one niece there now. For the most part, I am proud of the university and my association with it. But there was one thing about my freshman year which was shameful. 

Each dorm in my day would sponsor “SYR” dances, which stands for “Screw Your Roommate.” The idea was that your roommate set you up for a blind date, and he could either set you up for someone you were excited about, or "screw you" by doing the opposite. This was before Facebook, so we used a student body picture directory for these purposes--we called it a “dog book," which is terrible!  I remember one freshman girl had a very poor picture made, and that poor girl would get 15-20 phone calls whenever a dorm was hosting a dance.  How devastating for her, knowing she was the gag date! How cruel! Can you imagine being that girl, listening to laughter on the other end of the phone, called over and over?  I can’t imagine she’s ever fully recovered from this loutish, misogynist behavior. Unkind acts, unkind words,  destroy people!  

A second example. There were two sophomore girls in my previous school who were in an ugly spat over a boy. One decided to orchestrate a smear campaign about the other, telling false “secrets” about her sexual life, writing “slut” on school desks where she sat, scrawling “for a good time call _____ “ and putting her number on the bathroom walls. People talked about her behind her back, gossiping cruelly. I remember a meeting with her and her mother, with the girl weeping, and the mother sadly withdrawing her child from the school. It was horrible. Gossip destroys. 

A third, more positive example: When I was in high school, there was a senior classmate—let’s call him Bill, but that’s not his real name—who was slightly effeminate, with mannerisms and a gait that reminded people of a woman. He endured countless homosexual slurs and loutish treatment as a result. One day, as he was walking across campus to class, someone pinned a “Kick me” sign on his back, unbeknownst to him, and boys kept coming up to him and kicking him and running away, laughing. Two sophomores kicked him so hard he dropped his books, which scattered across the hallway. But as they tried to run away, a senior member of the football team, having seen what had happened,  grabbed one of the boys, pinned him against the wall, and said simply and sternly: “Bill is a senior. He’s one of us. You do that to him, you do it to us. Do you understand?” “Uh..yes,” the sophomore said meekly. “Pick up his books,” the football player said, and the boy complied, handing Bill’s books back to him. The football player then walked with Bill to class.  

I don’t know what happened to Bill, or where he lives now. But I am quite sure he remembers “He’s one of us” as if it were yesterday. Yes, words can destroy. But they can also heal and build people up.  

Scripture says, "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." (Ephesians 4:29) 

We are only in our third year as a school, and our first as a complete high school. It’s been a good start, but who we are has not yet been decided. We're still creating ourselves. Our reputation, the kind of school we become, will be up to you. Will we be a school that tears each other down, that wounds our classmates and puts ourselves first, or will we be a school which is kind, where words are used to heal, and to build each other up?

You have the power to choose either path for us.