We Need a Few More Optimists

They call it “rubbernecking.” That’s what we instinctually do when we’re driving in a car and pass by an accident. We strain our necks trying to peer out and catch sight of the victims of the crash.

I think we see many analogous versions of rubbernecking all around us.  What is the attraction of so many of the “reality shows” that are on TV today? Why does the Jerry Springer show get good ratings? I went on line to see the story line of some recent Springer episodes: “Lipstick Lesbians,” “I Slept with your Brother’s Boyfriend,”  “Your Husband Knocked Me Up,” and “Out of Control Catfights.” Why do we watch these shows? Why do we care about the lives of pathetic people living wrecked lives? Psychologists say it’s partly because we enjoy feeling superior to others.  When we watch “humilitainment,” as one person called it, we feel better about ourselves at the expense of someone else.

The problem is when there’s a car accident, and when drivers-by rubberneck, the police will tell you that there are often more wrecks, as people aren’t paying attention to where they are driving.

And there’s a parable in there somewhere, I think.  When we become fascinated by the misery of others, when we focus on what is wrong about someone else’s life, it’s easy to lose sight of where we are going.  And when we are swamped by the wreckage of other people’s lives, when we become accustomed to what is twisted and sad, it’s too easy for us to define deviancy down, too easy to set low bars for ourselves about what is right and good.

In contrast, Scripture tells us that “ whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things. (Phillipians 4:8)

I will be honest with you. I find that verse challenging. I have a tendency to go right to the negative. My kids will tell you if we’re watching TV, I often make cutting remarks about people, disputing the claims they’re making, ridiculing their motives.  I need-all of us, I think, need—to be in the presence of optimists, people that see the good in others despite their flaws, people who help us focus on what is beautiful and not what is ugly.

Our world needs a few more optimists. I think that’s true of high schools, too, especially at this time of year as we become stressed about A.P exams, final exams, failing, or graduating. When we’re too busy or tired, it’s easy to become cranky, self-centered, mean-spirited, ugly with each other. Let’s work to be the opposite. Let’s go out of way to compliment, to thank, to congratulate, to become people that dwell on what's honorable, pure or excellent  in others. 


I'll be praying for you these next couple of weeks, and especially for you seniors. Work hard. 

An Easter Story

This was Mr. Weber's Easter message to the students of JPII.

Two years ago, I shared a true story with you that deserves a retelling this Easter. It concerns a seven year old boy, dying from a ferocious and fast growing form of cancer:

He had been treated at Memorial Sloan Kettering with every sort of therapy known to science. But nothing further could be done. 

Perhaps they could administer one more dose of some experimental drug, but actually there was no real hope of recovery. And the side effects could only complicate the progression of the disease. 

So the family and the doctors gathered in the little boy's room for a final conference concerning his treatment.

They had tried almost everything, what could they possibly think of next? Finally the boy spoke up in a clear, crisp voice, "What I really want to do is to go home and learn how to ride my two wheeler." 

The bicycle had been a Christmas present. It had those little trainer wheels attached. But before the boy had gained enough confidence to remove the trainer wheels the cancer caught up with him and he was sent to the hospital. Learning how to ride a two-wheeler was the last thought the doctors or the parents would have contemplated. It just didn't seem possible. The boy was already physically weakened, why encourage him to do something that clearly would not be possible for very long even if he could succeed?


But the boy insisted and the resistance of the doctors and his parents melted away under the withering assurances of his clear brown eyes. And home they went. 

Not thirty minutes after they had settled in, they were out in the yard, the boy insisting that his father take off the training wheels and let him have a go at it. 

Obediently, but anxiously, his father took out his wrench and removed the training wheels to let him go. To their surprise, after only two false starts and one fall the boy was able to steer the bike, somewhat erratically to be sure. "And now," he said with mounting assurance in his voice, "Now I want to ride it by myself all the way around the block." Before anyone could stop him, he was off, up the street and around the corner out of sight. There were those few minutes of suspense as the parents, brother and little sister, waited for him to appear at the other end of the block, and after what seemed an eternity, there he was, headed for home, a gigantic expression of triumph and satisfaction written on his face.

When the excitement had settled down, the boy retired to his bedroom, and asked if he could be left alone with his little sister. He had his father bring the shiny red bike into the bedroom. It sat there in the corner, a gleaming symbol of life. Then the boy turned to his little sister and said, "I won't be needing the bicycle anymore. I want you to have it for your birthday. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did." 



Even in midst of life's deepest tragedies, love triumphs. Death is NOT the final word. This is our faith, confirmed in the resurrection of Jesus.

Happy Easter everyone!

True Grit

This is Mr. Weber's assembly address with students on March 5, 2012.

Let's begin by taking this simple little test. Check the one that seems to most apply to you. Be honest with yourself; there are no right or wrong answers.




1.Setbacks don’t discourage me.

•Very much like me
•Mostly like me
•Somewhat like me
•Not much like me
•Not like me at all

2.I am a hard worker.

•Very much like me
•Mostly like me
•Somewhat like me
•Not much like me
•Not like me at all

3. I finish whatever I begin.

•Very much like me
•Mostly like me
•Somewhat like me
•Not much like me
•Not like me at all

4. I am diligent (attentive and persistent in doing something).

•Very much like me
•Mostly like me
•Somewhat like me
•Not much like me
•Not like me at all
-------
5. New ideas and projects sometimes distract me from previous ones.

•Very much like me
•Mostly like me
•Somewhat like me
•Not much like me
•Not like me at all

6. I have been obsessed with a certain idea or project for a short time but later lost interest.

•Very much like me
•Mostly like me
•Somewhat like me
•Not much like me
•Not like me at all

7. I often set a goal but later choose to pursue a different one.

•Very much like me
•Mostly like me
•Somewhat like me
•Not much like me
•Not like me at all

8. I have difficulty maintaining my focus on projects that take more than a few months to complete.

•Very much like me
•Mostly like me
•Somewhat like me
•Not much like me
•Not like me at all

(Duckworth, A.L., Peterson, C., Matthews, M.D., & Kelly, D.R. (2007). Grit: Perseverance and passion for long-term goals. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 9, 1087-1101.)

This simple little test is called a “grit” test. They gave it to over 1200 West Point cadets, incoming freshmen, to see if it could help the Army predict who might succeed, and who might wash out of their summer training program. The U.S. spends a lot of money on training its soldiers, and tests potential recruits rather rigorously to see who is worth investing in. It turns out this simple test, completed in 3-4 minutes, is much more highly predictive of success than anything the Army had developed up until that point.

Why? Because the army will tell you—and not just the army but coaches, employers, businessmen—that grit is a more important predictor of long term success than even talent. There are a lot of talented people, people with high ACT averages for example, who wash out of college because they don’t have the drive, the perseverance, the “want to” to succeed. There are basketball players playing pick-up games on the streets of New York who have more natural talent than players in the NBA, but never had the grit to do well enough in high school to go to college and develop their game. There are many unemployed geniuses.

So let’s see where you stand:

For questions 1-4, assign the following points:

5 = Very much like me
4 = Mostly like me
3 = Some what like me
2 = Not much like me
1 = Not like me at all

For questions 5-8, assign the following points:

1 = Very much like me
2 = Mostly like me
3 = Some what like me
4 = Not much like me
5 = Not like me at all

Add your points and divide by 8. If you have a 4-5 average, you are very gritty. If you have a 1-2 average, you need to challenge yourself to become more gritty!

The good news is grittiness is something we can get better at, something we can control. Talent is God-given in large measure, but grit is a matter of perseverance, of drive, of the willingness to fail and having the guts to keep plugging. It’s a matter of heart.

If you were at our girls’ basketball game this Friday, you’d have noticed that on certain defensive rotations, Demisha Porter, all five foot nothing of her, was having to defend the post against Christina Slay, who is 6’ tall, Ensworth’s best player and one of three state finalists for Miss Basketball. Demisha battled, pushed, fronted her, cleared her out with her much smaller frame. She was “scrappy.” Yes, we lost the game, but Slay was held to just 6 points the entire game, her lowest output of the season.

My wife has a student in Geometry she really admires. Geometry is hard for him, and he often does poorly on tests. But he comes to every tutorial, sometimes before and after school on the same day. He always does his homework. He doesn’t let poor grades get him down—in fact, they seem to inspire him to work harder. She is convinced he will be a success because he has the drive, the grit to succeed.

Thomas Edison was one of our nation's greatest inventors, and still holds the United States record with 1093 patents. Contrary to myth, he didn’t invent the light bulb. But he did design a light bulb that gave off enough light to be useful, didn’t burn out very quickly, wasn’t prohibitively expensive, and therefore was practical for common use. To do that, he did over 1000 experiments, trying to find the right combination of materials, failing repeatedly. When he was asked about it, he said famously, “ I have not failed 1000 times. I have successfully discovered 1000 ways how NOT to make a light bulb, and I am that much closer to the solution. "

You may remember at the beginning of this year, I told you the story of the little boy in my neighborhood who was learning how to ride a bike and kept crashing. But he kept getting up each time, until after about the 15th crash, he was able to wobble down the street on this own. I said to you then that I hoped you would “fail often” this year, but have the drive, the guts, to get back up. If you are doing that, it’s a sign that you’re really pushing yourself beyond your comfort zone, that you’re expanding yourself, pushing past limits. It’s a sign of grit.

A couple of weeks after we get back from Break, I am declaring a “failure week” at JPII, in which all of us celebrate our biggest flops, our biggest failures. Yes, that’s right--I want to celebrate failure. I’m going to encourage House Masters and House leadership to find ways to do this by telling stories about failures with each other. No, that week is NOT going to be an excuse to TRY to fail. You can’t say: "Well, Mom, Mr. Weber said it was failure week, so I thought I’d do my part by getting an F on the test." But it will be a week that says, you know what? Failing is OK from time to time if it indicates that we're pushing ourselves outside of our comfort zone, if it inspires us to get after it, if it helps us grow. So be thinking of ways we might be able to celebrate that.