We don’t debate important social issues very well in our country. The abortion “debate” has been more like two deaf people shouting at each other for fifty years.
Productive discussions begin with better listening.
Yes, pregnancy affects women in deep and profound ways—in ways that we men can never fully understand. I watched my wife through the pregnancies of our four children, saw the physical changes she went through—but more than that, the emotional and psychological impact they had on her. One day, she’d have morning sickness, feeling nauseous much of the day. But on another day, she was radiant with joy, bonding with the life within her, at peace.
Abortion is indeed an important social issue, but let us never forget that pregnancy is first an issue that impacts women and their bodies, as the pro-abortion side likes to remind us. Respect for women, respect for their privacy, respect for the idea that women are in all sorts of different situations at the time they become pregnant—some in loving relationships, some in abusive relationships, some in no relationships at all, left to bear the burden of their pregnancy alone— respecting these realities are a precondition for any sober, serious debate of the issue, and certainly preconditions for any truly Christian debate on abortion. Women have inherent dignity, and that dignity must be honored.
On the other hand, those inclined to support abortion must also listen. The issue is not exclusively one of a woman’s privacy. That which is growing within a mother’s womb is not an appendix, a lung, or some other appendage of the woman, but a distinct human life, with a DNA distinct from its mother, with its own heart beat, it’s own blood type, its own wonderfully mysterious combination of its mother and father. No just society, no civilization founded on the belief that we possess “unalienable rights, among them life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness,” can credibly give anyone else the right to terminate that life, including the mother, any more than a society can confer on parents the right to abuse their own children after birth. Both the mother AND the child have inherent dignity, and we cannot advance the cause of one at the expense of the other.
In the end, of course, I am against abortion—it does violence to children. In saying so, I know that a significant number of my fellow citizens will disagree with me. So is that where our discussion ends?
I don’t think so. Perhaps we will always disagree about the legality of abortion, but cannot we agree on building a culture where the idea of abortion is (almost) unthinkable?
Can we insist upon a culture, for example, that truly recognizes the equal dignity of women? That prioritizes equal pay for equal work? That insists upon appropriate maternity leave and family friendly employment policies, so that women who become pregnant are not tempted to consider abortion a necessary choice? Can we not prosecute deadbeat fathers who renege on their responsibilities to help raise their children? Can we not reject a porn industry that profits from objectifying women purely to serve men’s pleasure? Can we not muster enough outrage over international sex trafficking, and punish countries through our trade practices that tacitly tolerate it? Regardless of one’s position on abortion, can we not say, loudly, ENOUGH!
And where women find themselves in crisis pregnancies, can we not pour out resources on her and her child, making sure she receives proper pre-natal care, that she is able to complete her education, that she is supported after her child’s birth, both financially and socially, surrounded by loving communities, rather having to endure the scorn and judgment of others, isolated?
And cannot both sides acknowledge the wonder and beauty of children, and especially babies? There is a reason, after all, that when a mother brings her baby into a room full of people, that everyone in that room stops what they’re doing, and goo-goos and gaga’s with that baby! Children make us smile, and remind us that God still has hope for the human race! Can not we regard children as they truly are—a magnificent gift from God? Can we stop with our insulting comments to parents with many children (Hey, you know how that happens, right? huh huh)? Can we stop joking with expectant parents that their lives are now “over”?
Whatever side of the aisle, anti-abortion or pro-abortion, we can work together on these kinds of social reforms. If we do, we can build a culture in our states where abortion seems less and less necessary.
Is it polly-annish idealism to suggest as much? Well, certainly, there is a lot of insincerity on this issue, particularly those who profit from it, or political operatives who use this issue to manipulate votes. I don’t hold out much hope for reconciliation with them!
But among the rest of us—those who have sincerely held beliefs about women, about children, about a more just society—I believe these are worthwhile goals to work toward.
